DAY 1

Hello,

My name is Luciano. Call me Luc…. Or whatever. Anyway I was diagnosed with depression on Monday (2 days ago). It wasn’t a surprise. I spend most my days stressed and anxious. This is just another one to follow my list of previous issues.

So let’s get started properly. My issues started at the age of 8. I was a confident kid but my father decided at 3 he wasn’t up for parenthood and left. My mum was raising 3 of us. I was the only kid to my father and so a little out of center. He ignored me for 3 years till my mum met my step dad. He raised me since but my dad seemed to like disrupting me. Calling me names, belittling me. He even said he didn’t want a kid as I’m a drain on his money.

At 8 years old something significant happened….. I’ll get this when I’m more comfortable.

Anyway at 17 I got my then girlfriend pregnant and that made me mature. It made me feel alive. Full of energy. A little person to give my love to. The relationship was difficult and she lacked trust. She would verbally abuse me for anything. I got home 15 minutes late from work and she decided to lock me out (luckily my mum lived a 10 minute walk away).

I found out she was seeing a guy who was 29 (she was 17 at this point) while I went on training courses with work. I never told anyone she was doing this because I was more bothered about seeing my kid. At 19 I left her and decided being apart 2as healthier. She didn’t think so and blocked me from seeing my daughter for 7 months. Accused me of domestic violence (immediately no contact allowed). I spent most of my time going back and forth to court and lost my job. I had a nervous breakdown at 20….. Take that in!! 20 years old and having a nervous breakdown. I eventually met my now wife at 22. Known her alot longer but took a while to convince her lol.

The years between 19 and 22 I spent abusing myself. Mentally and physically. I drunk too much and got into some silly situations. Blanked out my issues and let myself get into a spiral. At 20 i was having 3 week long relationships and just giving up on caring. I abused people’s trust to make myself feel better.

I was a arse hole really. Thankfully my wife sorted them issues out. Made me love myself a bit more and forget my past (not my daughter obviously).

Im now at this point. Depressed. I pushed all the issues I had to the back of my mind. This caused me to relapse onto this.

So here it is. DAY 1.

I’m not here for sympathy just to publish my journey.

Enjoy!