Loneliness

Here I am, in bed alone.

I work nights normally so being in bed alone is normal. Issue is when I’m at home my better half sleeps in our sons room. This isn’t a 1 off, it’s every week.

It feels weird to be constantly in bed alone. You want to cuddle up and feel love and comfort…. Well it’s not happened.

I was off sick for 2 weeks due to a really bad bout of gastrointestitis and she slept away from me every night. Its only a small thing but it feels massive to me.

The other side of this means…. Well a lack of intimacy. Sex once a week if I’m lucky and the occasional peck on the lips. It’s a strange feeling to go from 2 or 3 times a week to that. Some will say its how it goes but intimacy is a massive part of a relationship. Anyone who says it isn’t is lying.

It’s small things that make me feel alone. Tiny little things that a normal person wouldn’t view as being significant.

I can’t sleep more than 4 hours at the moment and no amount of talking will cure my sleep till I battle those demons eating away at me.

People will read this and think I’m just overreacting. None of you can see or feel what’s in my head.